love

i'm in love and it's the best feeling ever. he is more than amazing. i would describe him but i dont want anyone else to fall for him too :)

umph 2

she looks up at the building
says shes thinking of jumping
she says shes tired of life
she must be tired of something

umph

she thought she could handle this
but scars appeared upon her wrist
and she continued to insist
that this was just a phase

refusing to like him has become a challenge. boundaries is what i lack. although i know this will only end in discomfort i still can't stop myself. self control is what i lack. good bye home. chicago is where my heart is.

Concerts

psyched for the honda civic tour. Panic!

Hopefully this will be as good as the first Panic! concert me and alex saw.

I better not pass out like i did in that crowded, hot ass Fall Out Boy concert. Def. worth it tho <3

I made the assumption that this relationship would exist forever. After all we were best friends. Eight years strong. I doubt i'll forget the first time I met you. The way you picked at me making me feel so insecure. Thinking you hated me but realizing it was your way of showing that you liked me. After we moved past that we were Bests. Able to tell each other everything. Like the brother i wanted. Remembering back to the last days of 8th grade, discussing with you my plans to attend a high school that would seperate us. Summer came and went, minds changed, I walked up the steps to the place where you said you would be. The M/S crew. Our lockers all stood next to eachother. Years went by and unfortunately personalities shifted and friends drifted but, you and me...we were tight. From Algebra with Bentley, to Geometry with McCarthy, baseball/softball team sharing buses, after school with Graff and cursing Mr. Austin. Bests. Graduation came and then the all night party. Running around trying to beat you in laser tag, blowing you away in DDR. Things hadn't change. I decided to stay home and go to college. I knew I was going to do it. Then just like i took that chance and decided to walk the halls with you in 9th grade instead of walking them alone, I changed my mind. I left. Miles seperated us but things didnt change...at first. Now six months later I don't know you anymore. I don't know where you are. Communication between us has died and unable to accept it I continue to dwell on it. Looking at a picture of us standing in front of the window in class back in 7th grade, I realize why pictures are so important. Pictures never change although the people in them do.

1/9/07

The more I sit here the more I hurt. Haunted by the past events that occured in this room. Walking the streets of the town I desperately wanted to leave behind. Every spot in this town throw memories that I thought were disintegrated, right back into my mind. Offering me sleepless nights and at times tears. Days are spent in my room, looking out at the world. My heart is in Chicago for there are no regrets or pain in that city.

Where did he go? I wish I knew. It's unacceptable when your best friend of eight years just up and disappears off the face of the earth. Leaving nothing, not even a phone call. You sit up in your dorm worrying because you know that you two havent talked in two weeks and you two agreed to talk every other day back in 9th grade. Then you get home and hear he's got a new crowd of friends, bad crowd. You continue to call and message, failing to realize your best friend of eight years just isn't the guy you thought he would always be. You are dead to him and it hurts because he is still very much alive in your mind.