Selfish:

I want me to myself. I am finally happy. No more confusion, love that's an optical illusion, no more abusing, subtracted the misusing. I am happy. My confidence is on a whole other level. Don't step to me and expect to get it all. I have standards that are off the charts. I am doing things i've never done. I may relapse every once in a while but damnit I manage to pull myself back together. I can't be stopped. Where the hell did this come from? I'll just be honest and say I realized I am a queen. To come to that conclusion you can bet I had some help that will remain anonymous. Bless his heart though. September will come, the leaves wil turn and I will be swaying in the windy city. It will be a journey that will end in smiles and memories never forgotten. The road to recovery has begun.

lets get these teen <3's beating faster

the way he can just tear me down using the littlest strength never seems to amaze me. nights like these i try so hard to regret loving him but all i can do is cry. the hateful words he slings at me make me stagger. in less than 3 minutes i fall to my knees. i manage to pull my knees to my chest and rock to the beat of my heart. i close my eyes and wish it would just stop. why didnt i get out before all of this? why did i allow myself to be taken advantage of ? what person in their right mind would continuously put themself in a situation where they must rebuild themself over and over again. she is me. am i really this horrible? he could be wrong about everything. then again he could be right. why did i give him the opportunity to grind me up into little fragments? i have a weakness for people who come to me stating they need someone to talk to, someone to listen. i guess it's because i know how it feels to be left alone, nobody to talk to. your body feels drained and your soul feels helpless. then youre downing all this medicine and geting weak. just the way you wanted but God just has to interfere, sending you an angel which is really your best friend. youre just dying so you can't really make out who the person is. until you wake up in the hospital. at this moment i understand why my parents throw out/ lock up every bottle of meds. i wouldnt be here if they didn't. 5,640 hours later and i feel like im the same person i was when i dying. hopeless.

<3

I swear you could flip me over, slow me down like record and listen clsely yet still miss what exactly is going on. it's been months but i still can't grasp who i am. the mirror bugs the hell out of me. the countless hours i spend looking in it trying to pull something, anything that can tell me who i am. i don't know anymore. i havent known for a while. my mind is more polluted than the atmosphere, more crowded than this thing we call earth. who can love me more than me? days like this i feel god is more disappointed than he's ever been. i don't know whats harder; dealing with these constant mood swings, staring down any object that may lead to death or trying to over come it all. call me an extremist but life is hard. the way i have these people constantly on their toes, waiting for me to screw up no longer has me in awe. if only all of this came with an instruction manual. how to keep friends, build relationships, better yourself and become successful. some days my body shakes in fear that just maybe an attempt wont just be an attempt. the results may be unbearable to those i love most. prayer. well needed prayer. only god loves me. i miss the days where i was the sweetest girl. now im just some chick trying to make everything right again. struggling to destroy these wicked habits i have developed. i wonder how many people if any even notice what i really feel. i wish i knew someone who felt exactly the way i felt once upon a time. maybe then i could find some insight to everything. it's pitiful the way i knock myself down just to feel someones touch. that isn't love. my mind can be my worst enemy, the way it takes advantage of my heart everytime the beats slow down and it crumbles up inside my chest. my beautiful mind. if i said i wanted out this place i would be lying. i don't want out. i just want a steady feeling of happiness, understanding and love for myself. unfortunately the things i long for seem nearly impossible. so what happens now?

love actually

ninety percent of the people in the world want to see you fall.
the best thing you can do with your feelings is take them and run.

Random Bloggin

fell into another niggas arms
let's see if he'll drop me, hoping not.

college mathematics haha! sux

i've been out of high school for almost two years.

Ashely and Gennaye are the only best friends that are females that i have left

i think God is really helping me out with life. i'm so blessed.

he is literally trying to get me but baby it's called the past cuz it's behind me

do i really want to switch my mjor to forensic pathology?

a whole year since i've heard from nick. a part of me still thinks he'll pop up and say he's okay.

chicago was amazing. i wish i would have never left. that place literally has my heart. i wish i'd never left. so much to do there.

almost finally finished writing this freaking book 8D